Anal sex.

Anal sex is surrounded by lots of different misconceptions and emotions in today’s society. There’s still a stigma against women that enjoy it, that they’re sluts or just doing it for male pleasure. For the gay community, anal sex is used to label sexuality (if you like to give or receive) and even to ban them from donating blood. There’s still conversation surrounding anal sex that perceives it as a wholly dirty act, which can, therefore, be projected onto views of gay men (even though gay sex isn’t just anal). Anal can give people with penises orgasms as the g-spot is located inside the anus, and has been claimed to give some women orgasms.

Anal sex isn’t for everyone, as everybody likes different things. It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t like anal, it’s your body and your choices- nobody knows what you like better than yourself. It can be a new thing to try with a partner if you’re getting a bit bored with your sex life but can be horrifically painful if not done right.

How do I do it ‘right’?

  1. Start with smaller implements over time such as fingers and toys to get yourself used to the feeling (anal stretching)
  2. Once you think you can go the full way, start slow
  3. Use lots and lots of water-based lube, anything else in your anus is a no-go.
  4. Always use a condom
  5. Probably go to the toilet beforehand, this could be incredibly uncomfortable

Going straight into anal sex with no lube, no prior ‘butt stuff’ and starting fast can be incredibly painful and tear the anus aka. an anal fissure. This can itch, burn, bleed and cause sharp pain. Having your first encounter with anal be any of the above things can greatly turn people off it, so make sure to not do that to anybody else!

Why should I use lube?

Lube is absolutely essential in anal sex as the anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina, and just saliva is not enough. You should be using water based lube as silicone/oil based lubes break down condoms and toys. If you’re not using a condom (which you should be!) silicone based can work, but I would never recommend oil based lube. Oil-based lubes are no longer recommended as a form of lubrication for safer sex as it can leave a coating on the rectum/vagina that can lead to bacterial or other infections.

You can also use a lube tube to insert lube right up into our anus for fewer reapplications!

Why do I have to use a condom?

As mentioned previously in the guide to HIV and AIDS, anal sex greatly increases your chance of STI transmission. This as because the lining of the anus is thin and can easily be damaged, which makes it more vulnerable. I’d recommend condoms for pretty much any type of penetrative sex, but especially for anal. It’s also important to always change condoms when switching from anal to vaginal sex as this can cause infections when anal bacteria is transferred inside you. If you aren’t wearing a condom, just don’t switch. As the HIV explosion in the 80’s becomes more and more historical the gay community are shying more and more away from condoms, shown explicitly in quotes from this article such as “Condoms were for all the AIDS guys 30 years ago.”. It’s important that we squash this rhetoric and keep pushing that condom use is essential due to the rise in STI’s we are facing both in the UK and USA.

What’s anal stretching?

Anal stretching is the process of enlarging the capacity of your anus in order to achieve your sexual goals, for example by using anal dilators. It’s supposed to be only slightly painful as you get used to each size, which may be pleasurable along the way.

  1. Relax and insert one finger into your anus
  2. If this is comfortable, move it in a circular motion to widen and continue to gently stretch open your anus
  3. Start with a small/smooth butt plug and insert until it becomes uncomfortable and then remove it
  4. Wait for a moment and reinsert
  5. Repeat until you can take this size of plug
  6. Over time, repeat with slightly larger plugs each time

You always have to use plenty of lube with this, and remember to sterilise your plugs beforehand. Your plug should always have a flared base in order for easy removal and should be no larger than 4.5 inches circumference for your first escapade. Never ever ever push yourself beyond your limit or cause any adverse pain, and always stop if you start to bleed or feel excessive pain. It’s not necessary when stretching!

New posts will be uploaded every Sunday on sex/relationships and everything in-between; and any questions or dilemmas can be submitted to


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